You’re a hoe if you do any of these things, according to the men of the internet

Amanda Ross

7 years ago

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I'm the biggest hoe of them all

I’m just gonna say it: dudes on the internet are totally out of control. When they’re not trying to move into our DMs, sending us dick pic Snaps, or refusing to leave us alone until we block them, they’re sitting on Twitter calling us hoes.

Back in my day, the only thing that would get you called a hoe was actual hoe-ing around (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But now, you’re a hoe for committing any single unforgivable offense that might include (but is definitely not limited to): having friends, owning a cell phone, going to college, or breathing air.

We’re all hoes, and we’re all in it together. Here’s the list of our #hoecrimes:

Apparently not-freezing temperatures is for THOTS ONLY

And so are these balloons, smh

Maybe I’m both?

Men have a LOT of feelings about the dog filter

Also Boomerangs for some reason? Hoes only?

If you’re a woman of average height, YOU A THOT

And if you have any kind of curated social media presence, you’re a big ol’ hoe

Using Twitter makes you a hoe, regardless of maternal status

Using Snapchat frequently places you firmly into HOE territory, say all these dudes

If you’re NOT having sex, sorryyyyy but you’re still a hoe

Girls, we’ve gotta want more for ourselves. We can’t be out here in college like a common thot! Who raised us???

OK but literally everyone does this

For the first time in my life, I’m not craving a McChicken

If she has male friends, SHE A HOE

If she wears makeup, you guessed it: HOE material

Shameka, Keisha, Tara, Shonda, Crystal, Daronda, Theresa, Felicia, Tenisha, Soibian, Monica, Monique, Christiiiina, Yolanda

Using any non-standard Apple product is for THOTS, I’m never gonna let my daughter do this

Oddly specific?

But…that’s literally what it’s for?

Every fashion blogger is a hoe

So are Drake fans

And people who enjoy Texas beaches

THIS IS EVERYONE

Guess I’ll just stuff these notebooks up my ass

A bet a fucking Gemini wrote these

Wrong, read receipts are for fuckboys

Wyd???

It’s my name, not a golden penis

I’m in between paychecks!!

Napping 4 SLUTS

Fuck every single part of this tweet

Guess I’ll go die.