Guys, it would be way hotter if you’d just admit that you can tell when other guys are hot


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Guys, it would be way hotter if you’d just admit that you can tell when other guys are hot

‘Fess up, dudes

Thirst is a lifestyle, and the prowl for hotties never stops. Much like Charli XCX, I am often "busy" thinking about boys, and whenever I'm around my friends, hot men tend to be a topic of conversation.

But inevitably, if a straight male friend or acquaintance is present, we'll hit a bump in the conversation when he acts surprised that the assembled group finds a certain man is attractive. In a tone that's equal parts casual and mystified, he'll declare: "Oh, I didn't know Donald Glover/Jeff Goldblum/that fringe guy in our group whose hat we always playfully steal was hot!"

Cue my eyes rolling into the back of my skull. Drop the charade, boys. We know you can definitely tell when another guy is hot, and everything would be a whole lot more fun if you just admitted it.

It's annoying as hell

Guys know what hot traits in a man are, because they work to attain them. That's why, besides like, health or whatever, men go to the gym and shave regularly and attempt to assemble semi-presentable outfits. So why, when you look at another guy instead of yourself, do you suddenly have face blindness? Guys always complain about girls playing dumb, but this act is so transparent that it's kind of insulting.

Similar traits indicate hotness across genders

Strong jawline. Well-defined muscle tone. Clear skin. Facial symmetry. If you remove secondary sex characteristics from the equation, there are some pretty universal indicators of attractiveness. It's not calculus, dudes, it's literally looking at someone with your eyes.

The bar for conventional male hotness is well-documented

You know, on TV and in magazines and stuff, when everyone calls men like George Clooney and Brad Pitt and Idris Elba hot? And how some guys kind of look like younger versions of George Clooney and Brad Pitt and Idris Elba? Yeah, those lookalikes are hot. Use context clues. This is basic shit.

You might learn something if you listen instead of acting defensive

Sometimes, women think weird things about men are hot. I, for instance, think Post Malone is hot and it's a hill I'm willing to die on. Some of my esteemed colleagues engaged in academic debate about whether Adam Driver is hot before coming to the conclusion that he is. Our weird crushes could help calm your fears about your patchy facial hair or high voice, because even though certain features tend to seal the deal, there's no cookie cutter mold for what makes a man sexy. Lean in, fellas.

Being secure in your sexuality makes you hotter

Women are subject to analyses of each other's bodies constantly, from social media to celebrity news to day-to-day conversations. It's fun to hear a guy engage in conversation about a fellow man, even if he doesn't swing that way. It shows that he's at least open-minded enough to pay attention to what other people look like, a bar that you'd hope would be astonishingly low but… unfortunately isn't.

Just be a good sport and tell me if your friend who's visiting over winter break is cute so I know whether or not to put on eyeliner when we all grab drinks! It's truly not that difficult.