Here’s what your favorite doll growing up says about you
Girls who played with American Girl Dolls are curing cancer right now
by Una Dabiero
Childhood is by definition formative time. I mean, think about it: at one point, you didn't know jack shit. And now, here you are, someone who kinda knows stuff (or can at least read this website, or click a button that reads this website aloud to you) and is living their best life. Why? Childhood!
I don't know about you guys, but as a kid, I spent hours playing with dolls. Some days, I came up with insanely detailed storylines for all of them and made them bend to my every creative whim. Other times, I just laid them all out and changed their clothes. Occasionally I made them fuck. But the point is, we spent so much time together, they must've done something to me.
Upon further investigation (read: talking to my friends and colleagues here at babe dot net), I've come to realize that what kind of doll you played with as a kid really impacted who you are today. Here's what kind of girl you are now based on your favorite doll then:
American Girl Dolls
Girls who primarily played with American Girl Dolls are woke as fuck because they grew up role-playing traumatic events in American history, like the Great Depression and shit.
*in the american girl doll store with Aly & Aj playing in the background a trip down memory lane of my entire childhood
— Alyssia??? (@alyssiagoodwin) March 21, 2018
These girls spend most of their time dreaming about saving the world one educated mind at a time. They probably have hopes to start a non-profit or write for Teen Vogue or personally dismantle the Trump Administration. American Girl Girls still carry an I’m With Her totebag and faithfully follow The Wing on Instagram.
But more than anything, they want to publish a memoir because of all the American Girl diaries they read as a kid. If Samantha got to publish her internal thoughts, I should get to also! These girls are just… nice. But they might also be a little bit preachy. Beware the not-self-aware AG girl.
Girls who grew up playing with Bratz — the sassy, trendy, cool girls of the 2000s — are now Insta thots. These girls were cool in school because they had tits before the rest of us, but that finesse has stuck around.
Sorry , growing up I wasn’t no Barbie type of girl . I was a BRATZ type of girl ?
— ? (@sighbrattt) March 12, 2018
She has definitely stolen your man, and a few other men along the way. These girls are trend-obsessed and are always wearing a new outfit from Fashion Nova. When you ask for their style icons, they tell you a thick mix of Kylie Jenner and Dua Lipa, and you suddenly feel like you understand the inner workings of their minds.
These girls are the type of bitches to celebrate their "birthday month" and take gym selfies. But honestly…they can kinda pull it off. Jade was a good teacher.
Barbie taught you that you could be anything you wanted to be while looking perfect, and Barbie girls really took that lesson pretty seriously.
The Barbie Diaries, Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses, Barbie the Island Princess, Princess and the Pauper, and Barbie Rapunzel were the best Barbie movies ever created
Don't @ me
— kai loves bread. (@damnitdolann) March 21, 2018
Girls who played with OG Barbies are the driving force of corporate America. They wear pantsuits and can actually rock a low ponytail. They are smart and organized, keeping an immaculate planner and always scheduling out times for the perfect beach trip. Barbie girls are obsessed with golden retrievers and cute, classic TV shows like Gilmore Girls or Friends.
They're the type who desperately want a herb garden and a high power job but also the perfect nuclear family. Their nails always look impeccable and they're definitely going to be the first in your group to get engaged. They love their picture-perfect life, but they are always working to make it a littttle more perfect.
The girl who played with MyScene dolls, the teen version of Barbie, is a dreamer. It makes sense, since those dolls were always running off on some new adventure or throwing a bougie party. Have you NOT seen Jammin' in Jamaica?
Myscene jammin in Jamaica was my shit
— تايلور (@taylormycal) March 9, 2018
This girl wants to be a travel blogger or a photographer or something that lets her experience life. She's adventurous and always planning her next trip in immaculate detail — right down to buying some extra-ass passport cover she doesn't really need.
She's obsessed with the beach, pretty bedrooms and aesthetically pleasing skylines. Basically, she wants her entire life to be a beautiful Instagram layout full of newfound friends and fun places. And she'll make that happen.
Girls who were obsessed with Polly Pockets are the chill girls who go with the flow. Polly was always changing her look, which required both flexibility and an eye for fashion. These girls were born cool girls.
— sam (@samanthabwright) March 17, 2018
She is effortlessly cool. The kind of hip girl that smokes weed but still constantly looks chic. She gets her clothes from a thrift shop and can actually pull off small sunglasses. She actually looks cool at musical festivals and can listen to 80's rock unironically.
She's every guys wet dream and honestly, she might be mine too. She's a manic pixie dream girl mixed with a Hadid sister mixed with the girl-next-door.