We asked for girls’ SEMEN HORROR STORIES and now I feel like I need to disinfect my entire body
Because these stories are… something else
by Una Dabiero
Listen, cum is a natural part of life. You know, like trees or dirt or taking a shit. But you wanna know the real difference between those things and cum? You don't let someone rub dirt or shit all over your face.
Of course, dealing with anything as gross as cum is gonna produce some horror stories. Like, just the act of squeezing your legs and waddling to the bathroom while stuff is dripping down your legs is pretty nasty. Sure, everyone's permanently ruined a t-shirt or accidentally gotten some on the couch, but I wanted to hear some CRAZY SHIT about cum I'd never heard before. So, I asked girls for their semen horror stories. Now, I literally feel like I need to go take a bath and maybe check myself into a hospital. At least it's sterile there.
Hate to break it to you, men, but your cum is icky yucky gross gross and I don’t want to touch it
— Zoë (@rayn_zoe) April 3, 2018
I was fucking this guy and he was like, "Can I finish inside of you?" Since I'm not on birth control or anything, I was like hell noooo. But he was hot and I wanted to impress him, so I was like, "How about my ass?" I meant, like, finish on my ass, and I guess he thought I meant "in" my ass. It was real messy.
I worked at a summer camp and I had the only counselor cabin made for just two people. My boyfriend and I shared it, which was sweet because it was one of the only places you can have private sex in the whole camp. Once, we both took a week off and let the other counselors know they were allowed to have sex in it. That was a horrible idea. We came back to semen everywhere: inside condoms, on the bed, on the table, on the floor… all crusty and disgusting. Used condoms are already gross, but other people’s gross condoms? DISGUSTING.
One time this girl I met at church camp had sex with someone at church camp (she had a boyfriend while she was at church camp) … oh btw we were at church camp
— ⓑⓐⓘⓛⓔⓐ (@baileapersinger) March 28, 2018
My boyfriend and I were hooking up in a car and it was very unplanned. He ended up coming all over me, himself, and like, everywhere else. There were no napkins in the car, so we had to walk with cum on us into a grocery store and use their bathroom to clean up.
Once I got cum on the back of my hair and I didn’t realize until my mom asked why the back of my hair was so matted. Semen is, like, the strongest hair gel ever.
My ex wanted to come on my face for the longest time. One day, I surprised him and let him do it. It got in my eye, which wasn't a big deal until five minutes later when my eye blew up and got super red. This all also happened to be about 30 minutes before we had to go to dinner with his parents…. I told them I had allergies, but his dad's a comedian and I'm pretty sure they know what happened.
I had a horror story the very first time a guy came in my mouth. I had gone to his house in the morning and then had to head out to an event after. Because I was careless and didn't bring my makeup bag with me, he got cum all over my beat face and I was mortified because some of it got on my outfit. I had to tell people at my event that the stain on my blazer was baby puke from babysitting hours before. I don't know if they bought it.
Whenever I had sex with my ex, he always kept his shirt on. He had some kind of complex, idk. Once, we got both of our, um, liquids, all over the bottom of his t-shirt. We didn't notice until we were in the middle of a convenience store.
I turned my head as he came because I didn't want it in my eyes. So instead, it all went in my ear. It was really difficult to get out and really uncomfortable. (Author's note: Duh.)
Once, my ex-boyfriend he came in me and it just started BURNING. I mean, I was almost in tears because of his cum. It was awful and I had no idea why it was hurting. The worst part? He had just gone into his bathroom to shower, and locked the door so I couldn’t wash it off.
you let your mcm cum on your face and you broke out and got an eye infection. he hasn’t drank water in 2 weeks, he been eating pizza rolls and playing fortnite all day
— mrs stark (@morgo2x) March 27, 2018
I was giving this guy head and he mumbled something, so I stopped to ask him what he said. Apparently, it was: “I’m going to come.” I was holding it up, so the cum shot up and got on his face, and a little bit got in his mouth. I died laughing.
An ex of mine would always hold my head down when he was coming during a blow job. That all stopped after this one time. Instead of just holding my head, he pushed it down. Because of the angle, cum ended up coming out my nose. 10/10 do not recommend.
I was giving a guy a blow job in my kitchen while my on-again-off-again boyfriend was on his way to see me. I finished the guy off, he left, I let my ex in, and LUCKILY, he didn't realize I had cum all over my top.
One time, I was mid-hookup and it was getting really hot. I was okay with him finishing on my face because normally I swallow, and I wanted to change things up. It got in my eyes and I couldn’t see for 20 minutes. I was like Velma from Scooby Doo scrambling for her glasses. I tried washing them out, I tried blinking a fuck ton. Nothing worked.
Once, I had sex in the back of my car in a parking lot. He came in a sock and just tossed it out the window. I was horrified, lmao.