Katy Perry sent Taylor Swift the most desperate, pathetically public apology of all time
Try to suck up a little harder, Katy
by Katie Way
Remember that little feud Taylor Swift and Katy Perry had last year? Well, in case you forgot with all the Narrative Exclusion we've been riding through lately, then let me remind you — and promptly inform you that apparently, the beef has been squashed! And it's all because Katy Perry sent Taylor a PATHETIC gift after the Met Gala, which Taylor obviously posted on Instagram.
First, she sent Taylor a note in which she calls her an "Old Friend" and says that she's been doing "some rethinking on miscommunications and hurt feelings between us [as in, Taylor and Katy]" and that she wanted to "clear the air."
Then, she launched into the kill shot: "I'm deeply sorry for…" If that sentence doesn't end with "releasing the monstrosity that is 'Swish Swish'" then I don't want to hear it, but it doesn't matter because Taylor clearly did.
Olive branch is a symbol of peace so I can guarantee that’s from Katy Perry OMG
— k(la) (@blessedswift) May 8, 2018
We can't read the rest of it, because the video is fast and because there's a LITERAL OLIVE BRANCH IN THE WAY. What kind of simpering bullshit?!
Obviously, Taylor posted the entire package on her Instagram story with the caption "Thank You Katy," because she's the Snake Queen Supreme, and the official winner of this feud.
DID KATY PERRY REALLY JUST SEND TAYLOR SWIFT AN ACTUAL OLIVE BRANCH??? pic.twitter.com/nqUwUIo8YH
— ??????? | ??? ???? ? ???? (@LourdeBellerose) May 8, 2018
Apparently, the whole beef began for work-related reasons, but let's be honest: the real reason these women hated each other starts with a "J" and ends with an "-ohn Mayer and Taylor Swift got together right after he and Katy broke up, and they did a sexy song together."
Then, Taylor released Bad Blood, and confirmed it was about Katy, who then attempted to replicate with her absolute flop, Swish Swish.
God, wasn't Prism bad?
So now, after everything, Katy's thrown in the towel in the most ass-kissing way possible. Like, a literal olive branch as a peace offering?! What about something useful, like flowers? I guess the only pro is that Taylor can immediately dump the olive branch so she doesn't have to look at something and think about her vanquished foe.
Please, y'all: can we start a GoFundMe to buy Katy Perry some balls?