Politicians don’t care about climate change because they’re all going to be dead by the time the world ends
Mitch McConnell is literally 76 years old
by Nian Hu
Climate change is one of those things that everyone claims to know and care deeply about — we all watched An Inconvenient Truth, after all — but nobody actually gives a shit about. Yes, the Earth is dying and we won't have any rainforests or polar bears by the year 3000 and it's very sad because rainforests are pretty and polar bears are cute. Let's throw a charity gala and donate the proceeds to Greenpeace, shall we?
Unfortunately, it seems like we have all drastically underestimated the urgency and severity of climate change. According to a landmark report by the United Nations, there will be major food shortages, wildfires, and natural disasters by the year 2040. Experts are saying that we can expect to see worldwide devastation, hundreds of millions of deaths, and even the end of civilization as we know it.
That's pretty bad news for most of us, considering 2040 is only 22 years from now. Speaking for myself, I'll be 44 by then. So global warming is no longer just a pesky problem that we're going to hand off to our great-great-great grandkids — it's something that we're going to have to deal with really, really soon.
The United States is one of the top producers of greenhouse gases and if we just got our act together, we could very easily and almost single-handedly prevent the imminent death of our planet. But we won't. Why?
Because THESE are the people in charge of making decisions in our country:
You get the idea. The average age of a representative is 57 and the average age of a senator is 61. Almost half of our senators are 70 years old, and a couple are even over 80 years old.
Is it any wonder, then, that our government refuses to do anything to address the whole global warming thing? Heck, this explains why our politicians flat-out deny that climate change even exists! By 2040, basically all of them will be blissfully dead and buried underneath a world rent apart by tsunamis, hurricanes, and starvation. Sorry, kids! Looks like you're left to clean up this mess on your own.
Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have BROKEN UP 😵
Love is dead
by Harry Shukman
Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have split up, according to TMZ. "Things are over romantically," said the celeb news site, citing sources close to the pair that they had broken up. Apparently it "simply was not the right time for their relationship to take off." It appears to have been an amicable breakup.Ariana and Pete…
Never forget that a frat once held a press conference to deny accusations of buttchugging
The greatest self-own of all time
by Harry Shukman
In a world of fake news and extraordinary headlines, it's hard to believe that a fraternity once held a press conference to deny allegations of buttchugging – but that's what happened exactly six years ago.After one of their brothers was rushed to hospital for boozing too hard, Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee invited…
Avocados aren’t vegan, you absolute imbeciles
How dare you call yourself ‘conscious’
by Caroline Phinney
Avocados definitely aren't "vegan," and I'm surprised none of you knew this in the first place, since you seem to spend every waking second Googling, preaching and breathing veganism.Let me guess? You thought avocados just grew and pollinated themselves? Typical millennial mindset, if you ask me. But a new video from the BBC quiz show…