This is why you should always fuck on a first date, according to experts
You get a sex! And you get a sex!
by Amanda Ross
Hi my name is Amanda and I have withheld sex until an arbitrary number of dates (usually 3 or 4) in order to get a guy to "like me more."
And you know you've done it, too! I don't know if it was conditioning from movies or our Gen X parents or what, but the idea of waiting to have sex to somehow lock down a relationship is something most, if not all, of us think about. We're taught that dude's have a short attention span and if we "give it up" too easily, he'll move on to a better, shinier binch before we even have to chance to mop up the jizz on our stomachs. Or face. No judgement.
But what if I told you that…it was all bullshit? It's been whispered about for years amongst your liberated friends, but you dismissed it as fantasy or a male-planted lie.
If you don't have sex on your first date is it even love?
— Sophie2078 (@Sophie2078) August 7, 2017
I'm here to tell you it's true: Relationship and sex experts have proven definitively that whether or not you fuck on a first date has exactly zero baring on whether or not you'll end up in a relationship.
I honestly don't judge people for having sex on the first date, shit happens
— t.mugga™ (@YoungKween) July 28, 2017
Seriously. It's officially 50-50. Samantha Jones has been saying it for years and if we had just listened to her, we'd be so much better off. Relationship experts Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser have dedicated years to researching the phenomenon and the results are clear: If the chemistry is there and you want to be in a relationship, you. Regardless of if you give it up after two beers or two years.
So really, you should always have sex on a first date because it's the only true litmus test there is. Why waste time and money on nice outfits and shellac nails and Spanx or whatever to get to date three, fuck, and realize you hate each other? Wouldn't it make sense to figure it out right away?
yes I have SEX on the first date
X Carly Rae Jepsen
— ( ´Д`)y━･~~ (@ANDYLICIOUS13) July 24, 2017
Here are some of our fucking-on-the-first-date stories, ready for your judgement in the comments and your hearts:
"With my last serious relationship, we didn't just fuck on the first date — it was within like, an hour of meeting each other. Something about it just felt right and I was crazy attracted to him, so after one drink I suggested we head back to my house. We dated for over a year." — Amanda, 24
"One time I was hanging out with a guy on a study date at his dorm hall. We ended up having sex and he got pretty obsessed with me after that. I ended up never speaking to him again after the class ended, but I got the A and the D!" — Una, 20
"We had dinner and invited me round for some post-sushi fun. We went into her room and it was really white, sort of like rooms in asylums. As I’m putting a condom on, she suggests playing some music. After about 10 minutes I realized that she had put on a playlist that consisted of only one song: 'You Can’t Hurry Love' just on repeat. I’ve not spoken to her since that night." — Matt, 24
"I went out with a girl I met in one of my lectures. She seemed really cool, so we just grabbed a drink after class. Totally unexpectedly, we wound up having sex at the bar in the bathroom. And we dated seriously afterwards. It didn't make me think she was trashy, I thought it was cool that she didn't give a fuck and just went for it." — Josh, 23
"I once met up for drinks with this Tinder guy not thinking it was going to be more than sex and a gin and tonic. We said our awkward goodbyes and see you soons. The morning after, it hit me that I actually wanted to see him soon. So I messaged him to meet up but he never texted me back. Ever. Whatever." — Eleni, 24.
QUIZ: Plan a sexy vacation and we’ll tell you how far you’d get on The Bachelor
Don’t worry, you get internet clout no matter what
by Una Dabiero
So you're on The Bachelor and you're fighting with like, 20 other girls for the attention of a walking, talking crewcut. It kinda seems like this show was scripted in 1972, but you're on it to find love — or at least grow your Instagram following trying. The Bachelor is serious. It breaks people, makes…
Every thought you’ll have that proves you’re turning into your mom
You inspect fruit before purchasing it
by Caroline Phinney
I used to define being an adult differently. I always thought you just knew you were there when none of your interests made you happy anymore and you stuck to a routine because it's the only thing you knew how to do. Now that I'm here, I know it's so much more than that. Here's…
Good afternoon! Tyga put a human-tiger hybrid’s full vagina on his album cover!
I’m so glad Kylie got away from him…
by Katie Way
I've never been a big Tyga fan. I was actually going to make a joke about liking the song 'Dance (A$$)' because I thought it was by Tyga but it's actually a Big Sean track, so… yeah. Not that into Tyga. But even if I was a fan, I know that the album art Tyga…