Everything girls say we feel bad about when we actually DGAF
What’s a little white lie to get you off my ass?
by Ari Bines
It's become pretty obvious that society holds women to a higher standard than men.
But trying to be perfect is overrated and sometimes…we do something super naughty that archaic authority figures would hate: We lie our asses off to spare their feelings. So here's just a list of things we say we feel bad for doing, but don't. Like, at all.
Cancelling plans on the day of said plans
Deciding between leaving my bed to socialize with strangers and men (and strange men) and a bowl of bud with Netflix? It's a no brainer.
The bedroom being dirty for an overnight dick appointment
Have you seen the mess brewing under their bed? I think a few stray tampon applicators and an discarded pint of Chunky Monkey are the least of your worries.
Cursing in front of children
Sorry for tainting their ears. Meanwhile, they've only just come to terms with hearing their parents have sex in the room next door. But my bad, I guess.
Getting makeup on someone's shirt
If anything, you owe me money. This bronzer is Tom Ford! Besides, maybe you shouldn't be in such close proximity to me and back the fuck up off my contour and highlighted cheekbone, bitch. Love you lots, though.
Posting a bad picture of your friend because you look too good
Sometimes, you find yourself convincing the squad they look decent enough because you're looking your best in that group pic.
Overdrafting your bank account
Typically, the payroll schedule is in our calendars so we know when we're about to go broke. But sometimes it's worth a week of ramen and tap water in exchange for a dress so pretty, you can't afford not to buy it, really.
Hooking up with the ex your friends told you not to
You know your own will power better than your girlfriends, so keep it cute and ride that pony until you're drowning in the next pool of tears they'll have caused.
Lying about or eyebrows being real…or our hair…or our lips
If I don't ask you where you got your weave tracks from, then have the decency not to ask about my dip brow pomade in public. Or anything else for that matter. If it's on my body, it's mine.
Who broke up with who
Considering women put up with a fuck ton, there's probably a good reason relief is the immediate response to breaking up instead of actual pain.
Replying to texts way later
You're not "bad at texting", you're just bad at friendships. The fact that nobody texts me in a crisis is just one of many reasons why I'm exactly like Rihanna.
Can I eat my feelings in peace? DAMN!
Most of us who are whining about being alone are really just bored and need someone to vent to who's not our therapist and can simultaneously (and legally) go down on.
Not being part of popular trends
Us girls know putting glitter on everything is making waves, but you'll see be in hell before a speck of sparkle touches the back of my $1000 iPhone X. You're buggin'.
Sending strong-worded emails to higher-ups
The "I need to speak to a manager" phase is in full effect and you don't care about the stares teens give you for making a scene about your double shot espresso.
Crying in front of people
When you're usually a strong-willed woman who keeps a straight face, you'll never feel like you're being "weak" in front of people because most people are suckers for falling for a teary eyed babe. And for your next trick, cry your way to a salary raise.
Being right all the time
Although it's tough being a know-it-all who says "I told you so" to your friend who didn't believe she was being cheated on, you'll never feel actual remorse for knowing all the tea.
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