If he does any of these things he’s DEFINITELY got battery acid nut
Let’s start with anything purple
by Ari Bines
Anytime you make the rash decision to be courageous for a night and consume his leftovers, it's always a surprise. Not everyone's lucky enough to receive salted porridge—sometimes you’ll encounter the dreaded curse of the battery acid nut.
My last boyfriend made claims he was eating healthier, but after having my most awful experience of his acidic nuttery, I knew he was doing his diet and lifestyle all wrong to pass on the horrid taste.
Once the dick is done, do yourself a favor and make sure your FWB isn't doing anything to make his finishings taste like cream for vegans because some guys aren't always so mindful of their food consumption or hygiene. Brace yourself if he does any of these things, and warn your dick appointment in advance.
That’s why your cum tastes like battery acid smh
— Rosē (@6Mamix) May 1, 2018
Drinks purple gatorade
Guys are shit out of luck if they think I'm going down on them after having chugged anything purple. That's that gasoline and mustard flavor right there.
If your the kind of person that drinks orange Gatorade or purple Powerade there is a 100% we will never be friends.
— sadie mcmicken (@sadiemcmicken) July 27, 2016
His beard is detached from his sideburns
I love me a good hombre, but when the fade of his sideburns ghosts his beard like tumble weed in a western film, he got some jank nut. If you have any once of respect for your stomach, don't let him deepthroat. You're welcome.
“Cum tastes bad bc it’s raw babies” dawg wtf😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
— sweetniss🦋 (@NissyEstefany) March 21, 2018
Pops a Xanax before putting it down on you
Pill popping of any kind before having sex is a surefire way to have you spitting up. If he wants the nookie, he needs to come through clean.
If you think cum tastes bad, try Xanax
— fatlover69 (@Virescence) June 27, 2016
Still watches blu rays
Dis-gusting! Niggas who can't afford a Netflix account should disconnect from the internet immediately. Matter of fact you're moms should beat that ass thinking you deserve some sloppy head.
true but if ur diet consists of those things ur cum tastes BAD like so bitter… i’m all for chugging cum but u gotta be considerate of the person whose putting it in their mouth imo
— who do you fink gave you the teef? (@lilkalamata) April 4, 2018
Chews on celery over carrots
In which universe do psychopaths willingly eat the celery instead of the carrots? You might as well chew on Jonathan Cheban's low-life, vile chicken wings.
"cum tastes bad but like celery bad like its bitter but not unbearable and celery is like that too do u get me?"
— ay mija (@teendroid) September 17, 2013
Drinks more Moutain Dew than water
Who the fuck is sipping green juice for the hell of it? I'd prefer he shoot his shot elsewhere if my dick appointment drinks more lemon lime soda that tastes nothing of the sort.
michael b jordan’s cum tastes like vanilla icing i know it I KNOW IT
— jǝn (@sweetunr) May 9, 2018
And when he does drink water, it's…Dasani
If he drinks Dasani water he has battery acid nut. Dump him queens!
— jake (@HUNTYCHAN) May 6, 2018
I'm convinced any guy buying into the so-called "mineral infused" water (sponsored by McDonald's) is diseased. That lil bitch knows his cum is on some radioactive shit. GTFO!
If your cum tastes bad, I'll keep it in my mouth, hurry up and kiss you so I can pass it in your mouth and you'll know to eat more fruits
— diaryOf a BayernGirl (@Angel_bleed) June 25, 2016
Eats purple Doritos
First of all, you're fake as fuck if you know anyone who isn't teetering between the cool ranch and the nacho cheese (the red bag is the obvious winner). But the fact that he's eating neither at all is him practically screaming in your face his nut is backwashed.
When a guys cum tastes bad and you're just like "Damn I don't want to swallow this but momma didn't raise no bitch" 😂 @kc_baabyyy
— liv (@OProctor) July 8, 2016
His iPhone charger is frayed
Maybe in addition to his late night Pornhub run, he was flocking the rod on his phone charger. Who knows, but if you're not taking care of your cables, I would assume your not taking care of the main chord either.
Blacks out on weekdays
i bet mitt romney’s cum tastes like freedom
— ◦•●◉✿ ᴀɴɢᴇʀʏ ✿◉●•◦ (@hackerdaddie) April 4, 2018
Liquor will definitely do damange to your bae's dongle excretion, but if he plans to forget everything that he did that week, you can bet your bottom dollar there's no tomorrow for the amount of hurling you'll do if you down his Hennessy-induced nut.
Sprays Axe instead of actually showering
If there were an award for most gut-wrenching man stink, it's any of the Axe spray bottles. He sprays his dick with it, and than means his nut is as tasteful as the Taco Bell kitchen floors. Adios, bitch!
Subtweets girls way the fuck out of his league
Cum tastes better when you really love the guy
…and other lies that I tell myself
— JJ Ross (@JJRossReaders) April 5, 2018
The poor girls who have to endure receiving notifications from a guy who's weekday cum stains wreak of group sex and Cheez-Itz. If you see your hookup subtweeting (read: retired) porn stars, tell him he can fuck off when he asks for head.
And then pays for porn
If cum tastes like plain black tea, I'll hate it but I won't die
— Aniki™ (@ChillPedal) April 6, 2018
He's a loser if he's throwing down bread to watch facials, but can't afford a vegan salad so his jizz is intact for you to get her done. Fuck off home boy.
Tries doing donuts with his car
The level of acidity in his nut is appalling if he's the type to get all Nascar racer on you. He should douche the head of his wormy to eliminate some of that fish sauce if he's expecting you take a cum shot.
BBQ sticky wings and blue cheese
Yeah, sure they're delicious, but don't ever order that shit around me when you expect to get head later on. If asks for the sticky wings, walk out now.
When his cum tastes bad 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/U7iR7wc7Qm
— laura // I MISS MATT ♡ (@GayGodGoals) August 20, 2016
Eats cheese from a can
Canned cheese is the semen of all cheeses, and you'll do well to remember that if he's fucking with liquid brie, you'll have cottage cheese dribbling down your chin risking it.
Do you think cum tastes bad
— aphrodite (@catholic_nun) December 31, 2015
Wears anything tie dye
Some people like the taste of toaster strudel, others enjoy the flavor of dirty hamster. You can bet the latter will be slipping down your tastebuds if he's rocking a tasteless rainbow crew neck on your next date.
Just so you know cum tastes bad and has the consistency of phlegm, you don’t want that shit down your throat lil “innocent” bby 💞💞😬
— Dri @ BBMAS (@SATANICJEON) May 7, 2018
Uses salt on McDonald's fries
I don't know if it's just the fries or the salt, but the combination of his salt preferences and the greasy potatoes that no doubt touched the floor do nothing good for your tastebuds. Try not to hurl.
Bitches say My cum tastes bad? It's that kosher salt baby #hebrewnational
— Jfink (@Jfinkledick) August 3, 2013
The deadliest of alcohols is definitely a sign of toxic cum. The crusty stains on your bed are probably glowing in the dark as we speak! Nuh uh, honey boo boo.
yes i’m a virgin yes i have sex my bfs cum tastes like pho we exist
— Shy (@ImShyKai) May 9, 2018
And matcha tea
You're sick in the head if you're sucking off the likes of matcha semen. Have some respeck, girl.
I only suck dick if his semen tastes like shamrock shake
— ugly bikini line (@bimbomouse) March 19, 2014
Doesn't wear socks with his sneakers
The foot funk is probably creeping into his ball sack right now.
If I blow him, he'll buy me shoes. But his semen tastes like gasoline and mustard gas. But nothing matches my new dress. #whitegirlproblems
— Q (@QVT) May 2, 2010
Munches on hot Cheetos for breakfast
I'm not here to be anyone's mutha, but don't eat flaming hot Cheetos before 10 AM. He should at least have the decency to jerk off in the shower before making your lips drain him dry.
Your mcm eats hot Cheetos for breakfast and his cum tastes like battery acid
— hill (@bbyhillary) April 30, 2018
Buttchugs his beer
Any dude that partakes in booze via the ass, his junk reeks and tastes like your baking soda and vinegar science project from 7th grade, bruh. Get it together.
Boy Your Cum Tastes Like Section 8 And SSI Checks Wit A Dab Of EBT With Benefits
— Tierra Boyd (@TheDarkSkinLesb) April 29, 2018
Flips his underwear inside out to wear for ya'll date
Post Malone is 2018's Riff Raff, but less nuanced, more gross. pic.twitter.com/igWxC3v1u1
— forbes, but not the magazine (@kyleforbes) March 18, 2018
Guys know when their pesto is flavored how Post Malone looks. Just don't, okay.
Has ever had a cavity
"You know that cum tastes a lot different when you have cavities"
— 🍇Rojelly🍓 (@roger78924) April 16, 2018
While I'm no expert on dentistry, it's plausible to say whatever he's putting in his mouth that not even the bones of of his teeth could handle, your mouth shouldn't suffer the same fate.
Takes his coffee black
this guy that sits behind me in english says he wants his cum to taste like peppermint so girls can have nice breath and the kid that sits in front of me said his cum tastes like bleach.. pic.twitter.com/bRK7cRKSWA
— sel (@mxxnlightjhs) April 13, 2018
I'm typically always on board for anything black and powerful *wink* but a guy who can't cream his coffee is not worth my time or my succulent skills. That's a mystery I'm not interested in swallowing whole.
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